Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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