have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
