i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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