the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just had sex bonerless
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Sorry my hands just texted you
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The feeling are messing with the penis
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
