I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
