you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sponge bath it is.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
