You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
