sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
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Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
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Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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