So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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