Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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