wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
