my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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