I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
