8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
