I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
