she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
