Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
