god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
