I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
