she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Who died my cat blue again?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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