What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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