I got chris browned last night
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
