Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
