Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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