She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
