you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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