Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
