Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i think im in europe. pls send help
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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