Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
