I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
