just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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