I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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