i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
