Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
