I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
