i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
