Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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