if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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