Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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