Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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