I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
