Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
