I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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