i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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