Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
