in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
