ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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