I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I would fuck him just for his dog
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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