My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
