That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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