your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
