thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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