Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
