Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
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He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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