We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
