me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize