it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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