I accidentally burped into my bong.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Panties = found
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
