Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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