I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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