dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We named our party play list daddy issues
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
