Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
