he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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