Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
