What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
