So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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