third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
