I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
