Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
