I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
