He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize