um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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