I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
