But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
